I was lamenting to a friend the other day about all of the Feelings I’ve been wading through as I begin this book writing journey. One of the biggest Feelings I’m experiencing is fear. I’m afraid of being misunderstood, of not being heard. I want to be able to share my stories and my truths without having to explain every single detail about why they are my truths, but I also want to be clear and organic with my words.
This dear friend suggested that maybe I simply be honest about these feelings with you, my trusty bloggy readers. You’ve given me permission a million times over to speak my truths and share my stories.
Here’s the thing, writing this book is hard. It’s emotionally taxing. It is forcing me to really scan and examine my heart for truth and love and the holy. It’s causing me to take several steps back, breathe deeply, and find the place in my soul where only beauty resides. I’m in the process, personally, of the practice of clearing my heart space of negative thinking, whether it be about another person, or about myself. This practice has even bled over into my writing as I try to sew together pieces of grief, of strength, of love, of trust, of fear, of doubt, of beauty, of God, in order to create something meaningful and true and holy.
I will tell you this; that this experience thus far has somehow encouraged my vulnerable spaces to open up even more, allowing so much more of the love and beauty and wonder of the Creator to fill my soul with the truest truths and the sweetest love.
Since you were all so kind and supportive when I first let social media in on my little book writing secret, I thought maybe I’d share a rough draft of my introduction page with you. Enjoy.
I’ve gone over and over in my head and my heart about what I want from this book. I’ve thought millions of thoughts about you, sweet reader, and what this book will do for your heart. I’ve also thought equally as much about what this book will do for me, in my heart.
I have edited, re-edited, critiqued, criticized, deleted, written, re-written, doubted, feared, worried about, cried over, and discussed this book. I’ve sat in the quiet moments and in the noisy ones, trying to soak up each bit of truth my heart can find.
I doubt my ability to convey each passion soaked word to you. I fear being misunderstood. I fear not being heard. I fear failure.
But when I think about what failure means to me in regards to this book; it would mean that as you read the last page and close this book, that you didn’t feel more loved, less alone, or more worthy.
We all have a story; each a unique, colorful, tailored story that could only possibly be told by living out our individual unique and colorful lives. These essays are just bits and pieces of my story. My truest hope is that in reading these pieces of me, you will know how very much NOT alone you are. That you will find strength in the weak moments, joy in the sad ones, light in the dark ones. I so desperately want you to know how loved you are.
I have been on this planet a short twenty eight years, but in that time I’ve learned that life is really hard, but we can do hard things, and we can do them together. Love wins every battle, every time. Let’s warrior on together.