Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart’s desires.
–Psalm 37:4 NLT
It’s true. I’ve got the blues. And I’ve got ’em bad, baby. ::sigh:: My supervisor at work commented today that I wasn’t her “normal Melissa”. I pride myself on being vivacious for the most part anytime I’m dealing with a customer service situation, whether I’m giving it or receiving it. But today, I knew my personality had been somewhat lackluster. I’ve felt utterly exhausted with life as of late and have allowed it to burden me, I admit. Between feeling totally fed up with my work situation, family issues, worrying about the ever approaching future, trying to manage a healthy weight, be wife of the year, chef extraordinaire and financial guru, along with desperately wanting to please the Lord, I was beginning to feel like I had cinderblocks chained to my limbs, Jacob Marley style. I tend to do this; to allow myself to drown beneath unrelenting waves of worry, insecurity and doubt. I have lost perspective.
Let me say, I do realize that most of my aforementioned maladies, if you will, are first world problems, and that I do know I could have it so much worse. And for that, I am grateful for the life I lead and would much rather carry these burdens than some that others are so unfortunate to have to bear. I know I’m not the only one who worries about the future, or stresses about finances, family, marriage and those stubborn twenty pounds that refuse to quit. These stresses are still very real, especially to those of us trying to deal with them.
Aside from the battles of practical life (i.e. finances, work, buying a house, starting a family etc.), the emotional battles have been taking a major toll on me. I am so thankful for my amazing and absolutely darling husband, and I fear I won’t live up to the expectation I have set for myself to be the perfect wife. The struggle against the waistline is definitely an emotional one, as it’s beats what little confidence I may have had right out of my little heart. A few days from now marks two years since I lost my mom.
As I drove home tonight, I prayed to the Lord. “I just feel sad, Father,” I admitted. “I don’t exactly know what to do about it. My heart is heavy.”
I don’t have to remind you about the wonderful faithfulness of the Lord, especially if you’ve read my previous posts. But I’m going to anyway. As I spewed my fears and anxieties to the King of Kings, a verse sprouted forth through my fertilizer filled heart. Psalm 37:4 tells us to delight ourselves in the Lord and He will grant us our hearts deepest desires. It doesn’t say if we whine or complain or mope long enough that He will eventually give in to our nagging. Delight.
I was so warmly reminded about how near my Savior always is, and how much He cares about my first world problems. I also gently nudged to replace the sorrow in my heart with joy in my spirit! Not only did my God come through for me with this scripture, but tonight as I prepared dinner for my husband and I. Shawn had no idea what had been ailing my heart today. He didn’t have the first clue as to what I was blournaling about tonight. So it made it all the more special when he approached me, completely unprovoked, as I was hovering over steaming pots and pans, to tell me how much he appreciates that I work hard to make nice dinners for us throughout the week. To tell me how much he loves me. I cried y’all. I cried like the weeping willow I have become over the years.
It’s okay to feel discouraged and overwhelmed with life. It is, unfortunately, a gigantic part of it (life). But it’s in those times that Jesus is able to wrap us in His loving and understanding embrace and remind us of the unconditional love, joy and peace that passes all understanding He provides us on a daily basis. I’m convinced the Lord loves nothing more than to grant us something our hearts have been pursuing or desiring. But we must remember it is up to us to delight ourselves in Him by overcoming a sour attitude and eliminating those pesky blues.