Fighting to Win

God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.
–Deuteronomy 20:4

I don’t know about you, but for me, a new year is always somewhat intimidating. Yes, it’s all very exciting and the prospect of a fresh start and a clean slate is encouraging and inspiring. However, the past few years I’ve had a tendency to look back on all of my failed resolutions and start the new year off feeling heavy and defeated. Last night as our New Year’s Eve celebration commenced, I began to feel that anxiety start to bubble in my belly.

“Oh crap. I’ve set all these goals and resolved to make 2012 “the year”…and yet I am completely lacking in confidence to complete even a single one.” I felt utterly alone and totally shameful and the new year hadn’t even started! And so the battle had begun. I was shooting myself in the foot without even giving myself a chance to make positive changes in my life. And then, as He faithfully does every single time I need Him, the Lord showed up. I leaned my head against the car window and allowed His presence to fully embrace my heart. Truthfully, I really didn’t even feel like engaging with Him. I didn’t feel like talking, or praying, or crying out for help. I was exhausted and discouraged.

But the wonderful thing about God is that He is so very gentle in times like these. He allowed me to bring my weary soul before Him and simply set it down before Him, while He took care of the rest. At the exact moment I needed some grace, my husband reached over and took my hand, reminding me how much he loved me. Forever. The Lord used those words and that sweet moment of admiration from my husband to lay the foundation for rebuilding the confidence I would need to succeed in this uphill battle against my self depricating mindset.

I was reminded that I am so not alone. Not only do I have a partner here on this earth to encourage me and pick up the slack when I’m worn, but that my Heavenly Father fights for me every day, every hour, every minute and every second. I absolutely cannot make a difference in the lives of others if I don’t have a grip on my own.

I felt that same anxiety try to rise up again in my belly this morning as I woke up and realized today is Day One. And again, my sweet Savior whispered to my heart the encouragement it so desperately needed. He cares about all of the things we care about, no matter how large or small they may be. He cares about helping me get my cravings under control. He cares about helping me be a better steward of my finances. He cares about my desire for a different “job”. He cares about each and every desire of my heart because He cares about ME.

Let this be not only an encouraging word for your New Year, but a reminder that you are so not alone in your doubtful moments, and to always surrender to the grace and the goodness of God. It is a wondrous thing.

Happy New Year. Now go own your 2012.

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